Dear Emptiness,
For starters, I don’t think you’re an entity or an emotion on your own,
but you’re rather a coordinator or a representative of several voices within me,
joining forces, but to do what exactly?
When such a concoction, usually lead by either loneliness or despair kicks in,
I can’t but feel the void that is in my chest,
a void that can consume all the human company that there is in the world and still not be satiated…
And how often have I yearned for attention whenever I succumb to one of your fevers;
How often have I dreamed of someone materialising at my door that is sensitive enough to feel the void from afar…
Who would come and touch not only the exterior of my being but most importantly what is inside…
But rarely if I ever do I get this surprise knock from a someone…
And growing used to the fact that there’s no immediate remedy to the frustration that you bring and no knock on the door is the hardest thing that my soul has to grudgingly accept and reaccept…
I know you are not all gloom and sadness,
that despite the spike of false catastrophising that my soul does in your presence, you still point to some truth…
A truth easy to accept but difficult to let sink in…
That emptiness is not just an alliance of emotions but a state and a truth to be reckoned with…
How can I go through your episodes and still manage to survive?
You follow no schedule…
You can leave me alone for months on end, giving the illusion that one is empty no more,
But you also often make comebacks, and violent ones for that matter,
visiting every night and day,
making that pit in one’s chest almost visible to the naked eye…
My soul,
You are empty,
and that’s not a bad thing.
You are empty because you’re little,
because when you’re faced with a reality that is much bigger than your existence,
it is only natural for you to react to such glory with a sense of inherent deprivation and emptiness,
and that is not a bad thing.
You are empty because you’re aware that the little that you possess, whether materialistic or otherwise,
is not the end in itself, but an inadequate mean that is meant to tidy you over but never bring you to a sense of feeling full,
and that is not a bad thing.
You are empty, but that doesn’t mean Fullness doesn’t exist,
even when everything seems relative and nothing seems uncertain.
The yearning of your soul is the grand proof that Fullness does indeed exist.
One day you’ll meet Fullness,
and you’ll realise what you read in books but never understood,
that Fullness was not far from you,
but has been in you and around you and in every being…