It’s incredibly confusing this journey into grief…
For starters, you rarely receive heads-up before the journey starts…
We know eventually we’re going to have to take it,
but it almost always takes us by surprise.

My journey has officially started yesterday…
Or at least I think it is.
I’m not sure whether I’ve started walking or whether I’m standing still at the beginning of the trail.
Does denial or unbelief count as part of the process or is it the pre-liturgy for the grieving process?
I genuinely have no clue.

It’s weird how previous experience doesn’t matter when it comes to dealing with grief…
It’s not a set road which one can get to know as they age and mature in life…
It’s more of a forest with meandering trails, and you’re never sure whether you’re getting the ones you took before…
Maybe parts of the trails are shared and after walking into the unknown and the unseen you find yourself in a familiar spot…
But that’s just the trails joining for sometime, and nothing guarantees a detour that would make the unfamiliar come again…

I’m still in shock…
And it’s not because I’m thousands of miles away from where the “action” is…
It’s not because I watched a livestream of a funeral and not seen it with my own eyes…
Even if I was there, I would have still had this sense of shock…

Maybe all of this is the calm before the storm…
But I want neither calm nor storm…
I want you back, my brother…
I want you with me,
and I want to see you and touch you and tell you one more time how much I love you…