This I know..
That two years ago, it was a Saturday..
A date that will forever mark a change in my life..
As if with it a new calendar starts..
A new way of counting time..

No, I’m not that type of person who has an infinite amount of dates and who recalls a slew of events that happens in life..
I can barely keep up with the days of the week, and like most people, I struggle to remember which month we’re in..

But on that November 4th..
That Sunny day..
I remember waking up..
I remember sitting down at my computer and writing a love letter that unbeknown to me was our last..

It was quite surprising to me how the words came gushing out of my soul and my fingers raced to catch up with all that is within me that was mesmerised with your existence..
I ended it with the customary can’t wait to see what’s around the corner for the both of us..
But what was there I never expected to come..
At least not that abrupt..

I waited for the sun to shine across the ocean that separated us..
And slowly but surely it did shine on your side of the world..
And I’d imagine it glittered in joy to mark yet another year of your turning around it..
It should have reminded you that few hours before it saw a lovesick man who poured out his heart unto a keyboard and through a web of cables to your mailbox..

It took you a bit of time to appear online..
The first things that I heard of you was how beautiful the letter was..
How many times you read it..
How it made you feel like holding me and never letting go..

Then afternoon came..
And the gift that made it to your house was finally unboxed..
A gift that by the way, took me six months to pay off, but that’s not the point here..

And then came your hurried texts..
Of how you nearly got a heart attack of all the love..
And that phone call that I still remember..
That part when you told me you couldn’t wait for my birthday to come so that you’d make me feel the way you were feeling and get me all that I dream of..
I remember asking you, do you know what I need?
And after a puzzled pause, I uttered..
“You.”

I made sure before I went to bed to send you yet another trial of untangling the beauty that is in you..
Trying to let you know how you were my heavenly sent sweetness..
Who ended years of quenching roaming in the desert..

Had anyone told me that that would be our last phone call as lovesick people who found refuge in one another, I would have never believed them..
Love like this never falters..
Or that’s what I thought..

Never in my wildest nightmares would I have imagined what happened next..
Of how you vanished into the unknown without leaving a trace..

I thought then that I’d do anything to have you back..
And when you did come back, I was the shell of the man you knew..
More afraid and fragile than I have ever been..

I’m sorry.
I can’t make you feel today like that Saturday two years ago..
I can’t even accept for us to have one more phone call..
I don’t even know whether I should send you the simplest shortest birthday greetings..

You’ve left me wondering and asking God, Why have you made us cross paths?
And will I ever be happy again like that time we were together?
I hope I would, and I wish you the same too.