It is the only two words that bring some distant kind of solace to nights spent curlled up in bed..
Nights with a brain fog that if seeped through would cause freeways and roads to close..
He knows..
My brain mines different scenarios nonstop like computer algorithms that have been put out there and are never meant to stop..
It is all futility..
It is all wasted energy..
I can feel my frayed ends more often than before..
But one question brings a transient pause to that overdrive of a brain that I have..
Does He know?
Don’t worry, He knows..
Is there a certain thershold of worry that one must cross in order to get what one desperately wants?
A formula maybe? A collection of well-arranged words that once uttered would bring in that rare ecstasy of being heard by heaven?
Is there a level of desperate and miserable and lonely that should be attained before relief is brought forth from Him who is the ruler of all?
I don’t know..
He knows..
So, I’ll keep on curling in bed..
Surrendering to my all-too familiar Olympic pool of drowning thoughts..
I’ll keep on trying different formulas of words and phrases..
But whether this works out or not..
Whether I’m spared or sacrificed..
I don’t know..
He knows..